Teamwork makes the dream work

Lately I’ve been reaching out for help. Or shall I say people offering to help me out has inspired me to lend a helping hand to those in need and to tell others what I am capable of.

There was an exam that I was nervous to take. I received an ‘F’ on the last exam and I was not confident in how I  will do on the upcoming one. One of my classmates that I met when we were covering a story together offered to study together for the upcoming exam.

Why not? What did I have to lose? Normally I wouldn’t ask for help. Even when I do need help, seldom do I ask for it. So when she asked to study, I was shocked and grateful that she did because if it was up to me to ask for help, I wouldn’t have done it.

We studied a few hours before the exam and I was feeling a lot more confident in the exam this time around.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or shall I say, studying for)—the exam. Instead of feeling nervous, I was a bit excited. Excited to know what my results would be after the exam. I was that confident in myself after our study session before the exam.

A few days later, the professor released our results. I received a ‘C’ on the exam. The grade is not what I expected, but it is an improvement on the grade I received from the last exam.

Teamwork makes the dream work. The dream for this semester? Passing this class. If it takes me coming out of my comfort zone & asking for help, then I will do that.

My Personal Space

As a very busy individual, I cherish the moment I find to myself. Whatever I do in that moment I make sure I enjoy it as much as possible because I don’t know when will be the next time I will have this again in the near future.

I was sitting on a bench and a woman came and sat right next to me on the bench. Immediately irritated, I looked up to see if there were other benches available in the area. There were three benches available.

I exhaled deeply and pretended to not be annoyed. But my plan didn’t work.

I sat there for about five more minutes, gathered my belongings, and left the bench I was relaxing on.

I felt compelled to write about this situation because I take personal space very seriously. If there are other benches or seats available, please choose one of them. Don’t choose one next to me.

I always select a seat that is available without the threat of invading someone else’s personal space.

When I am having “me” time, I don’t want it to become “a stranger sitting next to me” time.

Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

Why do I feel uncomfortable when I’m ostracized?

At this point in my life, I should have already been accustomed to being alone. But during an event when it was obvious that I was being ostracized, you would think that it was my first time being by myself. Why is that?

That’s what I thought to myself when I went back to my dorm: Why was I in need of someone’s approval?

Some of us seek acceptance in others, but it is very dangerous if you do so. It is dangerous because they can take advantage of you and treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated.

These are all my thoughts. I am just speaking from experience. Every time I am seeking acceptance from others I am always left disappointed. Then I place blame on them when I am the one to blame for even giving them the power to choose if I’m approved by their acceptance of me.

I’m glad that incident happened because it showed me that I have a long way to go when it comes to self-love. Even though I came a long way, there’s always room for improvement.

Changing career paths at 21—or combining them

As I am finishing up my undergraduate year in college, I couldn’t help to think about my future in regards to my career.

In the beginning of my undergraduate years, I started thinking that I wanted to be a multimedia journalist. Now I’m thinking of moving in a different direction in my life. I’ve been thinking of becoming a social worker.

One of my greatest missions in life is to end poverty, hunger, oppression, and injustice in this world. Another part of me wants to have my own news network that would disseminate any news regarding those issues I previously listed.

I love to write, which is one of the many reasons why I am in the field I chose. But currently, how much truth is in our media right now? Not much. Even if they are telling society half-truths, it is still a lie. And I don’t want to be a part of any news medium that doesn’t tell the truth about society.

That’s why I decided to combine my two desires. I will be a social worker writing/reporting about the injustices in the world. I don’t know the step-by-step process yet, but I know that it will be done.

It will be done because I said so. And I will put my all into it to make my soul happy again.

Why don’t you live off campus?

I am writing this to affirm my decision and reclaim my sanity. The question that gets under my skin, but is completely understandable as to why someone would ask it is: Why don’t you live off campus?

The feeling of shame and the urge to release my anger onto the person asking it comes over me. The anger stems from the fact that there’s this notion that a senior in college should live off campus. If a senior wants to live off campus, that’s cool. If not, then why is it so shocking?

I’ve gotten looks that received eye-rolls. I’ve gotten comments that implicitly or explicitly stated how “lazy” and “dependent” I am.

Owning your own place signifies independence in this society. But let us take a deeper look shall we? Is the home/apartment/duplex you are renting or paying mortgage off of yours? Do you OWN it? You still have to pay taxes and monthly bills to the city. Even if you paid off the house, you still have to pay for utilities.

If you TRULY are the owner, you wouldn’t have to pay a cent to anyone else. Why? Because you OWN it. It is yours.

So stop with all the delusions that one is independent because they have their “own” apartment or their “own” home. It is not yours because you will always pay someone monthly or annually to continue to live there.

I am NOT diminishing the fact that I am temporarily dependent because I am a senior in college living on campus. I am shedding light on the fact that we are ALL dependent because we do not OWN our own place. We still have “bills” to pay. If you own the place you live on, you wouldn’t have bills to pay monthly or annually.

The only difference between the one living on campus and the one living off campus is that one has the delusion that they are independent and/or “free” because they live off campus.

Your perspective can differ. But this is my perspective.

Eating Right

I made a promise to myself to eat healthier. In the past weeks, I’ve been eating a lot of junk food from the vending machines. And when I went grocery shopping, I will also buy junk food. I feel like I have a salty-food craving, and the junk food that satisfies that are chips. I told myself that after this week, I will not eat anymore chips (since that seems to be my Achilles heel).

Today I bought many fruits to steer me away from going to the vending machines and to erase my cravings for chips. Fruits alone won’t stop me from my cravings, my mind and willpower to stop eating junk food will truly stop me from doing it. Every time I feel down, I always resort to junk food to fill some kind of void. In the short-run, chips will do that. But in the long-run, it is not a good feeling that I turned to a manufactured and processed “good” to make me feel better. Thinking about it makes me feel weak. I shouldn’t let something that’s created in a factory and in laboratories to make me feel good.

So I made a promise to myself to not be a slave to chips. I will eat more fruits and have the strength to not succumb to my cravings. I have the power, not the junk food. I can’t wait to face my cravings with my new insights and new willpower.

Bye cravings. Hello, healthier lifestyle!

How I Feel About College Tour Guides

I decided to take some time out of my day to share my thoughts on what I feel about college tour guides. Since I’m taking classes over the summer, I’ve seen many incoming college freshman taking tours around campus. They are getting themselves acquainted with the college campus they will be walking on for the next four years of their lives.

College can be a great experience for some. For others, it can feel like hell. Well for me, I have to say I agree with the latter. I never really got the hang of college – socially. And I feel like college is all about being social and I’m the exact opposite. I’m in my third year, and I still don’t like college.

When I see tour guides leading and talking to the incoming freshmen, I feel like they are being liars. I know what you’re saying, “Why do you care?” I’m writing about this because I need to get it out of my system. I’ve been seeing too many faces of incoming college freshmen thinking their college experience will be the greatest experience of their lives. I’m here to write out on how they are truly mistaken. I’m writing this as a warning for any incoming college freshman. I’m doing what I wish someone would have done for me when I was on my way to college.

Reflecting on how I was when I made my decision to come to college, I felt tricked and unaware about the mental toll and the anxiety college would have on me. And right now, I feel like I’m carrying a burden of the ignorance I had for college and “the great college experience.”

Okay, so here we go. College tour guides are liars. They are putting up a front to the incoming college freshmen. Telling them how great college is and how happy they will be here. Straight. Bull.Shit. These incoming college freshmen on the tours are taking the bait, and I want to tell them what the bait REALLY IS!

How can the tour guides walk around campus convincing people how great college is? I can’t do that. My experience has been the worst experience I can ever go through or think of. Even with my crazy imagination, I could never create a story that will be similar to what I went through in college.

Based on my experience with college tour guides, I realized they were NOT being honest with me. I realized that now, since I knew what I got myself into. Why weren’t they real with me? Why did they plaster fake smiles across their faces? They should have just been honest with me. Just say, “Hey look, college is hard. Just make sure what you’re signing up for, okay?” Not one of those “amazing” college tour guides told me that – not one. And that’s why I don’t like them. If they weren’t truthful to me, what makes the incoming college freshmen think that they are being truthful to them?

“But you’re in college.” I know I’m in college. But if I knew what I know now, I would have made a better and wiser decision. But I didn’t. I just jumped straight into the hole without thinking of the consequences and without knowing the TRUTH about why college is REALLY here in our society.

I don’t like liars. Start telling the truth to incoming college freshman. Stop with the fake smiles. Stop filling their heads with high hopes and expectations. Just. Stop. It.

My Anxiety

Why does my throat close every time I see a lot of people? It feels like someone is strangling me whenever I see a LARGE group of people. What was I thinking going to a university with 50,000 students. Now, I think I would prefer a campus with fewer students. That’s why I like morning classes because everyone is still in bed. Having a class in the afternoon let’s me see EVERYONE in the university, and that’s overwhelming for me. I can’t even believe I got to class without fainting. *sighs*

Arrogance or Confidence?

I’m wondering if I’m stuck-up. I’m thinking if that’s the reason why people won’t talk to me. I guess I am in a way. But sometimes, too much confidence and knowing “too much” comes off as arrogance. I don’t think I know everything, but I know enough to not feel comfortable around my peers. When I’m around my peers, I don’t feel like myself because I want to communicate about bettering the world, society, the government. Most—not all—don’t want to have that conversation right now, and I’m wondering if they ever will.

As I’m walking to class, I see university students looking happy – almost oblivious to the world’s atrocities. I hate sounding negative, but I want to meet people who want to make the world a better place – right now! Not go to parties, be tour guides for incoming freshman, or believing that everything is okay. Nothing is okay!

When I see people doing something that’s not benefitting humanity, I start to get “stuck-up.” I don’t want to be around people who don’t think the way I do on a global scale.

I can’t take the gossiping, the parties, and the socializing. I’m tired of that!

I feel too old for my age. Everyone in my age group wants to party, socialize, and gossip. And here I am reading books and the news like an old woman. I don’t connect to anyone in my age group, and that is truly sad. I love living in this generation, why won’t my generation love me back? We can do a lot together as a team—as a generation. But how can we do that when most of us aren’t on the same page?

Are we ever going to be on the same page? I hope so.

Is that too much to ask for?