When Frustration Sets In

I’m in the homestretch of receiving my Bachelor’s degree and finally graduating after 4 life-changing years.

Now frustration is setting in because expectations of what I have for myself and expectations of what others have for me is surfacing.

I currently don’t have a job and someone asked if I did because I’m always fundraising to go to conferences and conventions. I replied that I didn’t and that I’m searching for one.

Just because I don’t have a 9 to 5 doesn’t mean I shouldn’t enjoy events that are happening around me. Right now, fundraising to go to these events is what’s best.

I’m also frustrated because I hate seeing acquaintances getting along with each other more than they do with me. It sometimes makes me feel that something is wrong with me when there isn’t.

I also have many blogs that I’m moderating and I want them all to be successful. I’m currently writing as much as I can to make sure the blogs gain many views. Even though I enjoy writing, it’s frustrating not having as many views as I expected.

Getting a steady income is my main priority right now & everything else will fall into place. The “everything else” is a car and an apartment or condominium.

Even though expectations lead to disappointments, it also sparks frustration.

I’ll just continue fighting the frustration by having perseverance.

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Teamwork makes the dream work

Lately I’ve been reaching out for help. Or shall I say people offering to help me out has inspired me to lend a helping hand to those in need and to tell others what I am capable of.

There was an exam that I was nervous to take. I received an ‘F’ on the last exam and I was not confident in how I  will do on the upcoming one. One of my classmates that I met when we were covering a story together offered to study together for the upcoming exam.

Why not? What did I have to lose? Normally I wouldn’t ask for help. Even when I do need help, seldom do I ask for it. So when she asked to study, I was shocked and grateful that she did because if it was up to me to ask for help, I wouldn’t have done it.

We studied a few hours before the exam and I was feeling a lot more confident in the exam this time around.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or shall I say, studying for)—the exam. Instead of feeling nervous, I was a bit excited. Excited to know what my results would be after the exam. I was that confident in myself after our study session before the exam.

A few days later, the professor released our results. I received a ‘C’ on the exam. The grade is not what I expected, but it is an improvement on the grade I received from the last exam.

Teamwork makes the dream work. The dream for this semester? Passing this class. If it takes me coming out of my comfort zone & asking for help, then I will do that.

My Personal Space

As a very busy individual, I cherish the moment I find to myself. Whatever I do in that moment I make sure I enjoy it as much as possible because I don’t know when will be the next time I will have this again in the near future.

I was sitting on a bench and a woman came and sat right next to me on the bench. Immediately irritated, I looked up to see if there were other benches available in the area. There were three benches available.

I exhaled deeply and pretended to not be annoyed. But my plan didn’t work.

I sat there for about five more minutes, gathered my belongings, and left the bench I was relaxing on.

I felt compelled to write about this situation because I take personal space very seriously. If there are other benches or seats available, please choose one of them. Don’t choose one next to me.

I always select a seat that is available without the threat of invading someone else’s personal space.

When I am having “me” time, I don’t want it to become “a stranger sitting next to me” time.

Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

Why do I feel uncomfortable when I’m ostracized?

At this point in my life, I should have already been accustomed to being alone. But during an event when it was obvious that I was being ostracized, you would think that it was my first time being by myself. Why is that?

That’s what I thought to myself when I went back to my dorm: Why was I in need of someone’s approval?

Some of us seek acceptance in others, but it is very dangerous if you do so. It is dangerous because they can take advantage of you and treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated.

These are all my thoughts. I am just speaking from experience. Every time I am seeking acceptance from others I am always left disappointed. Then I place blame on them when I am the one to blame for even giving them the power to choose if I’m approved by their acceptance of me.

I’m glad that incident happened because it showed me that I have a long way to go when it comes to self-love. Even though I came a long way, there’s always room for improvement.

Being an introvert in communications

I just wanted to address the internal tug-of-war I go through when it comes to the career I’m in. I love meeting new people and that’s the joy of being in journalism.

But the unfortunate downfall is how tiring I feel after the day is done (if it is really done). I immediately crave my alone time whenever I am finished interviewing someone. I love interviewing them, but it takes a lot of energy out of me when I do it.

I ask myself, “If it’s so tiring, why are you still doing this?” It’s rewarding, that’s why. I love the look in the interviewee’s eyes after I completed the story. I love taking a step back and admire the work I created that can touch someone else’s life.

Even though the day-to-day lifestyle of being a journalist and/or writer is tiring, the work is rewarding. As the day ends, I spend time alone and I smile commending myself on the work that was done.

Changing career paths at 21—or combining them

As I am finishing up my undergraduate year in college, I couldn’t help to think about my future in regards to my career.

In the beginning of my undergraduate years, I started thinking that I wanted to be a multimedia journalist. Now I’m thinking of moving in a different direction in my life. I’ve been thinking of becoming a social worker.

One of my greatest missions in life is to end poverty, hunger, oppression, and injustice in this world. Another part of me wants to have my own news network that would disseminate any news regarding those issues I previously listed.

I love to write, which is one of the many reasons why I am in the field I chose. But currently, how much truth is in our media right now? Not much. Even if they are telling society half-truths, it is still a lie. And I don’t want to be a part of any news medium that doesn’t tell the truth about society.

That’s why I decided to combine my two desires. I will be a social worker writing/reporting about the injustices in the world. I don’t know the step-by-step process yet, but I know that it will be done.

It will be done because I said so. And I will put my all into it to make my soul happy again.

Reflections on my summer and what to expect for the future

As I continue writing on this blog more often, I couldn’t help but glance at the other blog posts I published. I came a long way, but there is always room for improvement.

The one blog post that I wanted to do a sequel on is ‘Summertime is Manifesting Time.’ I realized that I didn’t write anything over the summer.

This summer has been productive and stressful. The stress stemmed from two things: finding an internship and what I’ll be doing as a career after I graduate from college. This summer was my last summer as an undergraduate.

I’m excited, but at the same time nervous. Nervous in the sense that I don’t know what will happen. It’s the uncertainty that has me nervous. I am also eager to see what I can do.

The one thing I didn’t like about college is the false hope that a job is guaranteed. It’s like I’m on this insane merry-go-round. “Get good grades to go to college.” “Go to college to get a job.” “Get a job to get money.” The one thing that is not told to college graduates is that a job in the field they desire is not guaranteed. The job you want will not be given to you; you must WORK for it.

When I say work, I mean give it everything you got. A degree won’t cut it. The qualities that will reward you the job you desire is effort and hard work—not the degree alone. I found that out at the end of my junior year and the beginning of my senior year.

I felt angry and depressed because I believed that a degree alone will land me the job that I desire in my field. Some college graduates don’t even work at the job they wanted to work at. And that to me is a nightmare. I want to do what I love. I don’t want to compromise my talents just because I have to get a “job.”

I want my “job” to be something I love doing. I love to read, write and report. I don’t want to do anything else unless it’s one of the verbs I listed prior to this sentence. I mean it.

My mother was telling me how a student from another university is working at a job she didn’t study for in college. Hearing her say that broke my heart. But it ignited the fire in me to avoid that situation. My will to avoid that scenario grew stronger and stronger each day after my mother told me the story.

At least I know now, right? Better late than never I guess. But I wish I knew sooner. I wish I knew even before I sent my college applications.

I can’t worry about the past, but I do want to address what I had in mind and that everything is not what it seems to be.

I received my first internship this summer. I was so fortunate that a women I knew since my sophomore year in high school still worked there. She fought hard for me to have an internship there. The people there shared their wisdom with me and told me that I have to work harder at my craft. They too shared stories on how college graduates didn’t get the jobs they desired while they were in college and ended up working at a job they never thought of doing. They believe in me, but only I can avoid that situation  from happening.

Networking and making connections is key. But I don’t like networking even though I know the importance of it to go far in my field. I want to go far in my field without networking too much. I just want to get the right and important connections, then have those connections be the solid connections in my network.

I’m still looking for another internship to build other relationships.

I never know what will exactly happen in the future, but I do know that the future can be changed right now—in the present.

So I’ll just focus on the now and the effort I put in for the present moment would alter my future to allow me to be where I need to be.

How college was a gateway to eating healthier

When it comes to eating in regards to college, some people link it to the ‘Freshman 15‘ or just all-around bad eating habits.

But for me, college forced me to eat healthier. It did so by me looking for the cheapest AND the less time-consuming food or meal to prepare for myself. Even though I love to cook, college doesn’t give me that luxury to do so. Time is of the essence!

When I go grocery shopping, I usually go to the produce section and buy oranges, bananas, and grapes. Then I buy bread and peanut butter. What I just listed was my college meal for most of the semesters I’ve been in college except for my freshman year. In my freshman year, I was on the meal plan.

Even with the meal plan, I still ate salads that I created at the salad bar. I got off the meal plan because it was too expensive and was not beneficial to my life as a college student when I can buy food for a cheaper price.

Sometimes the cheapest way to eat can be the healthiest. You don’t have to gravitate to Ramen noodles or soda. There are always healthier alternatives. Even though bread and peanut butter may not be the healthiest options out there, it is a better transition to healthier eating than Ramen noodles.

To each their own.

Eating Right

I made a promise to myself to eat healthier. In the past weeks, I’ve been eating a lot of junk food from the vending machines. And when I went grocery shopping, I will also buy junk food. I feel like I have a salty-food craving, and the junk food that satisfies that are chips. I told myself that after this week, I will not eat anymore chips (since that seems to be my Achilles heel).

Today I bought many fruits to steer me away from going to the vending machines and to erase my cravings for chips. Fruits alone won’t stop me from my cravings, my mind and willpower to stop eating junk food will truly stop me from doing it. Every time I feel down, I always resort to junk food to fill some kind of void. In the short-run, chips will do that. But in the long-run, it is not a good feeling that I turned to a manufactured and processed “good” to make me feel better. Thinking about it makes me feel weak. I shouldn’t let something that’s created in a factory and in laboratories to make me feel good.

So I made a promise to myself to not be a slave to chips. I will eat more fruits and have the strength to not succumb to my cravings. I have the power, not the junk food. I can’t wait to face my cravings with my new insights and new willpower.

Bye cravings. Hello, healthier lifestyle!