The Beauty of Spontaneity

I’m amazing. You know why? I was a contestant in a pageant.

Being a contestant in a pageant was the most fearless and liberating thing I have down in my life so far.

I did spoken word, answered questions, and I even danced! What?! Me dancing in front of an audience?! Yep, I did that. I would do it all over again if I could.

My experience in the pageant showed me the beauty of spontaneity. I’m usually a routine-oriented kind of person. But being in the pageant pushed me out of my comfort zone to heights I never knew I could be able to reach.

I’m thankful for that person who insisted that I should sign up to be a contestant even though I was reluctant to do so. I’m also impressed by my courage to do such a thing.

More importantly, I’m proud of myself for always pushing myself to be better than I was before.

Being spontaneous is a beautiful thing.

Would I Be Wasting My 20s?

Ever since I turned twenty, I began to feel the aging process. I finally realized that my time on Earth is limited. It’s kind of like a mid-life crisis, but in your twenties. I can’t help but think how quickly twenty years flew by, and in no time I’ll be forty. I even thought about having 4 sets of twenty years to live! I know that sounds crazy, but it was on my mind a few times.

Sometimes I think if I’m living my life like how a 20 year-old should live it. Then I catch myself and say, “You’re really going to take advice from society?” I like being by myself more than I like being around other people. I keep hearing that your 20s is the time to experience, explore, and make mistakes. What if I just want to listen to music, read books, and write? Am I doing the right thing? Should I do the things majority of the world is telling me to do or should I do what I feel comfortable with?

I hate how society doesn’t allow me to be who I am. Every time I do something, I have this “society subconscious” telling me what I’m doing is not the norm. It’s like an internal conflict. Then I tried to go with the norm and I didn’t like it – no matter how normal it is.

Should I be socializing? Should I get out my room? Would I be wasting my 20s? Am I wasting my 20s if I spend them watching movies and reading books? These questions have been circulating through my mind ever since I turned 20. They say don’t do something you would regret. But what if the same thing you love doing is the same thing that will make you regret in the future. Is my love for reading and being alone going to be detrimental for me in the future?

I’m tired of having these judgments in my head. Is there a right or a wrong way to live life?

I hate when I start thinking like this, but it happens. I don’t know what my 20s has in store for me. I know I have the power to make it the best or the worst. I just hope I can get through it.