At this point in my life, I should have already been accustomed to being alone. But during an event when it was obvious that I was being ostracized, you would think that it was my first time being by myself. Why is that?
That’s what I thought to myself when I went back to my dorm: Why was I in need of someone’s approval?
Some of us seek acceptance in others, but it is very dangerous if you do so. It is dangerous because they can take advantage of you and treat you in a way you don’t want to be treated.
These are all my thoughts. I am just speaking from experience. Every time I am seeking acceptance from others I am always left disappointed. Then I place blame on them when I am the one to blame for even giving them the power to choose if I’m approved by their acceptance of me.
I’m glad that incident happened because it showed me that I have a long way to go when it comes to self-love. Even though I came a long way, there’s always room for improvement.
I just wanted to address the internal tug-of-war I go through when it comes to the career I’m in. I love meeting new people and that’s the joy of being in journalism.
But the unfortunate downfall is how tiring I feel after the day is done (if it is really done). I immediately crave my alone time whenever I am finished interviewing someone. I love interviewing them, but it takes a lot of energy out of me when I do it.
I ask myself, “If it’s so tiring, why are you still doing this?” It’s rewarding, that’s why. I love the look in the interviewee’s eyes after I completed the story. I love taking a step back and admire the work I created that can touch someone else’s life.
Even though the day-to-day lifestyle of being a journalist and/or writer is tiring, the work is rewarding. As the day ends, I spend time alone and I smile commending myself on the work that was done.
As I am finishing up my undergraduate year in college, I couldn’t help to think about my future in regards to my career.
In the beginning of my undergraduate years, I started thinking that I wanted to be a multimedia journalist. Now I’m thinking of moving in a different direction in my life. I’ve been thinking of becoming a social worker.
One of my greatest missions in life is to end poverty, hunger, oppression, and injustice in this world. Another part of me wants to have my own news network that would disseminate any news regarding those issues I previously listed.
I love to write, which is one of the many reasons why I am in the field I chose. But currently, how much truth is in our media right now? Not much. Even if they are telling society half-truths, it is still a lie. And I don’t want to be a part of any news medium that doesn’t tell the truth about society.
That’s why I decided to combine my two desires. I will be a social worker writing/reporting about the injustices in the world. I don’t know the step-by-step process yet, but I know that it will be done.
It will be done because I said so. And I will put my all into it to make my soul happy again.
It seems like I will always be an outcast. I can’t fit in anywhere. I like being myself, but it is painful to feel the cost of being who you are around people who don’t accept you. Today on my newsroom shift, I felt ostracized and needed. I don’t like that feeling. To be needed and yet, no one thinks you exist.
I don’t like how colleges place the social life on a pedestal. If you keep to yourself, you’re weird or odd. You know what’s weird? Talking to random people and having meaningless conversations with them. How do y’all do it? Don’t you feel tired giving yourself to other people like that? How can you share an interaction with someone without giving them the time to know your flaws, what makes you happy, and what leaves you disappointed?
When I talk to someone, I don’t want to be used as a pawn for shallow conversation to make the time go by. That’s plain rude. Just talking to someone because you’re “bored” is an awful way to engage in communication. And I feel that I’ve been a victim of someone talking to me because they were bored.