When Frustration Sets In

I’m in the homestretch of receiving my Bachelor’s degree and finally graduating after 4 life-changing years.

Now frustration is setting in because expectations of what I have for myself and expectations of what others have for me is surfacing.

I currently don’t have a job and someone asked if I did because I’m always fundraising to go to conferences and conventions. I replied that I didn’t and that I’m searching for one.

Just because I don’t have a 9 to 5 doesn’t mean I shouldn’t enjoy events that are happening around me. Right now, fundraising to go to these events is what’s best.

I’m also frustrated because I hate seeing acquaintances getting along with each other more than they do with me. It sometimes makes me feel that something is wrong with me when there isn’t.

I also have many blogs that I’m moderating and I want them all to be successful. I’m currently writing as much as I can to make sure the blogs gain many views. Even though I enjoy writing, it’s frustrating not having as many views as I expected.

Getting a steady income is my main priority right now & everything else will fall into place. The “everything else” is a car and an apartment or condominium.

Even though expectations lead to disappointments, it also sparks frustration.

I’ll just continue fighting the frustration by having perseverance.

More time, please

Sometimes I wish I was granted one wish. My wish would be to have more time.

But if I was granted that time, would I cherish the time that I’m already given?

I guess not.

That’s the beauty of only being granted 24 hours and a limited time to live on this planet. It forces me to do what I want to do NOW.

Not tomorrow or another time. NOW!

I have many projects to complete and my mind have been clouded my doubt, disappointment, and stress.

What I do to power through it is to breathe deeply, treat myself to food, and watch some Vedic astrology videos as a reward for all that I’ve done.

I’m doing the best that I can. Sometimes I don’t think I’m doing enough.

Usually doing your best is enough.

Give yourself a pat on the back.

*Pats myself on the back*

How I Deal With Crushes

Why do I crush so hard on guys? It gets tiring when it interferes with my daily routine.

You know? When all you can do is think about the person and think about what they’re doing? Yep, that’ s me right now.

What am I doing to snap out of it? Continue living my life.

I’ve gotten over many crushes in the past. Hopefully this will be my last.

Sometimes I think of myself as a serial crusher.

 

Serial Crusher

[seer-ee-uh] [kruhsh-er]

noun, Informal

  1. A love-sick, hopeless romantic individual who falls in love or obsesses over an individual for a certain period of time and continues to fall in love or obsess over another individual again (non-physical)

 

Did you like my definition? I created it myself. This made-up word sometimes describes the way I am. Whenever I find a guy I like, whether it be on social media or in person, the term ‘serial-crusher’ comes up.

I combat this by writing as much as I can and by remaining as busy as possible. I try to find activities that will keep my mind off of the individual I’m thinking about.

*sighs* Its either I need to learn how to not love so hard or find a guy who loves just as hard as me. Is it possible? Who knows.

My Reality of Being An Entrepreneur

In today’s blogpost, I will be talking about life as an entrepreneur in the making.

I decided to show you all what I wrote in regards to this topic.

Below, I placed excerpts from my personal journal that I wanted to share with you all.

 

January 6, 2017 // 2:42 PM

Since noon I’ve been publishing and promoting my blogs. Boy! Talk about putting in work! I feel exhausted. But I rather feel tired working for myself than feel tired working for someone else that’s for damn sure. Life as an entrepreneur.

I’m in the beginning stages. I believe once I can live off the income from my services alone, then I will consider myself a full-blown entrepreneur. At least I’m trying. And I will not give up.

The thought of working for someone drives me insane. Working for myself becomes my obsession every time that thought occurs. Tired, but inspired.

 

January 7, 2017 // 5:26 PM

Today I scheduled in my planner that I would be completing assignments. Did I do them? Some. But I felt so tired doing them though. I don’t know what got over me. I just felt extremely tired today. I’m thinking of just using my “tiredness” to write some blogposts.

I always have the energy to work on myself. But when it comes to completing schoolwork, I feel even more drained.

 

There you have it, folks. This is how I’m feeling right now. I can never be tired when it comes to working on myself. Working for others or working on schoolwork is where the tired feeling kicks in.

Another difficult thing about being an entrepreneur is that there will be days where NO ONE contacts you for your services. I wish I had a client every day.

I promote my services every day. Yes, it can be tiring promoting yourself. What’s even more tiring is questioning your self-worth every day because no one has contacted you for your services yet.

Even your own “friends” or people you consider as your friends won’t even help you out.

As I said in my previous journal entry, ‘tired, but inspired.’

I will let my obsession to not work for someone else be my drive to be autonomous.

The Beauty of Spontaneity

I’m amazing. You know why? I was a contestant in a pageant.

Being a contestant in a pageant was the most fearless and liberating thing I have down in my life so far.

I did spoken word, answered questions, and I even danced! What?! Me dancing in front of an audience?! Yep, I did that. I would do it all over again if I could.

My experience in the pageant showed me the beauty of spontaneity. I’m usually a routine-oriented kind of person. But being in the pageant pushed me out of my comfort zone to heights I never knew I could be able to reach.

I’m thankful for that person who insisted that I should sign up to be a contestant even though I was reluctant to do so. I’m also impressed by my courage to do such a thing.

More importantly, I’m proud of myself for always pushing myself to be better than I was before.

Being spontaneous is a beautiful thing.

Are You Ready To Graduate?

I was in a meeting and one of the members asked if I was ready to graduate. I responded, “Yes.”

When people ask me that question, I sense so much fear from them. When they ask me if I’m ready to graduate, they don’t mean physically because I have my credits in check. They mean if I’m ready mentally.

My question is: Why are people scared to face the real world?

Why do people try so hard to shun away the harsh realities of life?

Running away from problems won’t make them go away. Facing problems head on will solve any issues or fears you have internally and/or externally.

“Are you ready to graduate?”

Yes. Yes I am. I’m ready for anything life throws my way.

We came into this world to be challenged, to face adversity, and to experience growth whether we like it or not.

I hate fear. I hate fear even more when people are trying to emit fear around me.

Nice try.

Teamwork makes the dream work

Lately I’ve been reaching out for help. Or shall I say people offering to help me out has inspired me to lend a helping hand to those in need and to tell others what I am capable of.

There was an exam that I was nervous to take. I received an ‘F’ on the last exam and I was not confident in how I  will do on the upcoming one. One of my classmates that I met when we were covering a story together offered to study together for the upcoming exam.

Why not? What did I have to lose? Normally I wouldn’t ask for help. Even when I do need help, seldom do I ask for it. So when she asked to study, I was shocked and grateful that she did because if it was up to me to ask for help, I wouldn’t have done it.

We studied a few hours before the exam and I was feeling a lot more confident in the exam this time around.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or shall I say, studying for)—the exam. Instead of feeling nervous, I was a bit excited. Excited to know what my results would be after the exam. I was that confident in myself after our study session before the exam.

A few days later, the professor released our results. I received a ‘C’ on the exam. The grade is not what I expected, but it is an improvement on the grade I received from the last exam.

Teamwork makes the dream work. The dream for this semester? Passing this class. If it takes me coming out of my comfort zone & asking for help, then I will do that.

Fighting for Happiness

I’ve been feeling down lately.  I know it’s temporary because that’s life. You go through ups and downs. But this emotion I’m feeling is hard to describe this time around.

It feels like I’ve been fighting for happiness lately. This Instagram account inspired me to write this post because what she shared perfectly described what I felt when I saw it on my Instagram feed this morning. The caption of the picture read: “I have to protect myself from the bad thoughts and fight for happiness.”

When I read it, I was in shock because someone described what I was feeling.

I feel like I am fighting for my happiness. Then the question came to me: “Why am I fighting for my happiness?”

Another question came to me as well: “Should I be fighting for my happiness?” I should if I want to keep sane, right? But should we really be fighting for it? Why can’t happiness be easily attainable?

As you can see, so many questions ran through my mind. And I’m still searching for the answers to them.

I commend myself for being so reflective. The more I ask myself these questions, the closer I can achieve inner peace.

At this point in time, I will fight for happiness. It’s the only option to do so. I came here for a reason and to not fight when things get rough is doing a disservice to the Source that created me and it will be a disservice to myself as well.

I would like to see what’s in store for me in the future. I would like to witness my growth.

So I will fight for my happiness.

Stop Comparing

I came across another bad habit of mine. A bad habit of mine is comparing myself to others. I compare my personality to others and compare my life to theirs.

I hate it when I do that from time to time. This thought occurs when there’s a large group of people around me and they are talking with one another while I’m off to myself. I start observing them and start thinking about society’s view of happiness and acceptance.

From this observation, I see that my view of happiness and acceptance is not the same as society’s. Then I start to wonder who’s right. Me or society?

What I think of myself should be the only thing that matters. But I realize that I have a long way to go when it comes to not caring of how I look to others.

When someone looks at me, it looks like I’m unbothered. But internally, I’m not. I still have work to do on myself.

I want to be so unfazed by others to the point where millions of people can be talking to one another and I will see them and not compare myself to them.

My Non-Existent Dating Life

I am swallowing my pride to write this post. I keep having reoccurring thoughts.

The thoughts I’m having stems from the fact that I’m not dating anyone.

I’m not looking for a long-term relationship as of yet. But if I meet someone and it leads to that, then I’m fine with that. The problem I’m having is that I don’t even have anyone to even date or talk to. Is that even a problem?

How much of my time is too much of my time? I spend a lot of time alone on a daily basis. I do enjoy my alone time. But life is all about balance. When I’m done recharging my energy in my alone time, whom can I exert that energy onto?

Is being too selective with my energy getting the best of me?  These are the reoccurring thoughts I’ve been having lately. I don’t want to think about them. But here they are creeping back to me every chance they get.

I’m internally debating whether it’s a personal issue or a societal issue. Am I not with anyone because I am too different or do I have issues in the past and/or in my childhood that I need to resolve?

I don’t know, but I always reflect on myself to see what I can find. Since I’m usually alone, I always have the time to be introspective.