Fighting for Happiness

I’ve been feeling down lately.  I know it’s temporary because that’s life. You go through ups and downs. But this emotion I’m feeling is hard to describe this time around.

It feels like I’ve been fighting for happiness lately. This Instagram account inspired me to write this post because what she shared perfectly described what I felt when I saw it on my Instagram feed this morning. The caption of the picture read: “I have to protect myself from the bad thoughts and fight for happiness.”

When I read it, I was in shock because someone described what I was feeling.

I feel like I am fighting for my happiness. Then the question came to me: “Why am I fighting for my happiness?”

Another question came to me as well: “Should I be fighting for my happiness?” I should if I want to keep sane, right? But should we really be fighting for it? Why can’t happiness be easily attainable?

As you can see, so many questions ran through my mind. And I’m still searching for the answers to them.

I commend myself for being so reflective. The more I ask myself these questions, the closer I can achieve inner peace.

At this point in time, I will fight for happiness. It’s the only option to do so. I came here for a reason and to not fight when things get rough is doing a disservice to the Source that created me and it will be a disservice to myself as well.

I would like to see what’s in store for me in the future. I would like to witness my growth.

So I will fight for my happiness.

Woosah

I watched a video on how to control anger. I admit – I do have an anger problem. I can conceal it well in public, but in the inside – I want to punch through a wall. Since I’m becoming more aware of the world, I find myself becoming angrier than I was before. For there to be a solution, one must know there is a problem. I know I have a problem, so at least I’m a step closer to solving my problem.

The man in the video said the reason for my anger is not forgiving myself for what I’ve done in the past or what I didn’t do in the past. Through deep introspection, he was right. I haven’t forgiven myself for the decision I’ve made in the past.

I need to forgive myself for what I did, and finally move on. But for some reason, every time I try to bury it, my thoughts from the past keep resurfacing. How can I make it stop? How can I terminate those thoughts from coming back?

I guess I have to take it day by day. I just need to own up to what I’ve done. I grow every day. So when I reflect on the past, I question the decisions I’ve made because I know if I was given the opportunity again – it wouldn’t be the one I chose.

That’s why I get mad at myself because the person I am NOW wouldn’t have made that decision. That’s why his advice in the video resonated with me – I do need to forgive myself. What’s done is done. Now I need to heal and create a process that will allow me to forgive myself for what I’ve done.

For starters, this is a good way for me to get through it. Writing is therapeutic for me. Writing this out is a HUGE step for me.