I watched a video on how to control anger. I admit – I do have an anger problem. I can conceal it well in public, but in the inside – I want to punch through a wall. Since I’m becoming more aware of the world, I find myself becoming angrier than I was before. For there to be a solution, one must know there is a problem. I know I have a problem, so at least I’m a step closer to solving my problem.

The man in the video said the reason for my anger is not forgiving myself for what I’ve done in the past or what I didn’t do in the past. Through deep introspection, he was right. I haven’t forgiven myself for the decision I’ve made in the past.

I need to forgive myself for what I did, and finally move on. But for some reason, every time I try to bury it, my thoughts from the past keep resurfacing. How can I make it stop? How can I terminate those thoughts from coming back?

I guess I have to take it day by day. I just need to own up to what I’ve done. I grow every day. So when I reflect on the past, I question the decisions I’ve made because I know if I was given the opportunity again – it wouldn’t be the one I chose.

That’s why I get mad at myself because the person I am NOW wouldn’t have made that decision. That’s why his advice in the video resonated with me – I do need to forgive myself. What’s done is done. Now I need to heal and create a process that will allow me to forgive myself for what I’ve done.

For starters, this is a good way for me to get through it. Writing is therapeutic for me. Writing this out is a HUGE step for me.