Stop Comparing

I came across another bad habit of mine. A bad habit of mine is comparing myself to others. I compare my personality to others and compare my life to theirs.

I hate it when I do that from time to time. This thought occurs when there’s a large group of people around me and they are talking with one another while I’m off to myself. I start observing them and start thinking about society’s view of happiness and acceptance.

From this observation, I see that my view of happiness and acceptance is not the same as society’s. Then I start to wonder who’s right. Me or society?

What I think of myself should be the only thing that matters. But I realize that I have a long way to go when it comes to not caring of how I look to others.

When someone looks at me, it looks like I’m unbothered. But internally, I’m not. I still have work to do on myself.

I want to be so unfazed by others to the point where millions of people can be talking to one another and I will see them and not compare myself to them.

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Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

Why don’t you live off campus?

I am writing this to affirm my decision and reclaim my sanity. The question that gets under my skin, but is completely understandable as to why someone would ask it is: Why don’t you live off campus?

The feeling of shame and the urge to release my anger onto the person asking it comes over me. The anger stems from the fact that there’s this notion that a senior in college should live off campus. If a senior wants to live off campus, that’s cool. If not, then why is it so shocking?

I’ve gotten looks that received eye-rolls. I’ve gotten comments that implicitly or explicitly stated how “lazy” and “dependent” I am.

Owning your own place signifies independence in this society. But let us take a deeper look shall we? Is the home/apartment/duplex you are renting or paying mortgage off of yours? Do you OWN it? You still have to pay taxes and monthly bills to the city. Even if you paid off the house, you still have to pay for utilities.

If you TRULY are the owner, you wouldn’t have to pay a cent to anyone else. Why? Because you OWN it. It is yours.

So stop with all the delusions that one is independent because they have their “own” apartment or their “own” home. It is not yours because you will always pay someone monthly or annually to continue to live there.

I am NOT diminishing the fact that I am temporarily dependent because I am a senior in college living on campus. I am shedding light on the fact that we are ALL dependent because we do not OWN our own place. We still have “bills” to pay. If you own the place you live on, you wouldn’t have bills to pay monthly or annually.

The only difference between the one living on campus and the one living off campus is that one has the delusion that they are independent and/or “free” because they live off campus.

Your perspective can differ. But this is my perspective.