Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

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I love rainy days

I love rainy days because it forces me to reflect on my life. In my solitude, I can finally read that book I wanted to read. I can write what I wanted to write when I was busy. I can meditate more. I can relax more.

The rain brings a soothing feel to me. I start to feel calm whenever I hear the rain pouring. I love that feeling.

Some people get angry when it starts to rain, maybe because their plans are ruined. But when it rains, my plans have just begun.

Everything I wanted to do but couldn’t because of the tasks of what needed to be done in the external world can finally be done because of the rain.

When it rains, some plans may get canceled. But the tasks that need be done in my internal world finally gets completed.

The flowers bloom after it rains, and so do I.

Thank you rain.

Loving myself is a lifelong journey

This post has to be one of the most hardest topics to write about—myself. Loving myself can be a challenge as well. I want to write about this because I want to commend myself on the internal conflicts that I overcame. During these past four years, I realize that I like to be alone, be apart of deep conversations, writing, and reading.

The difficult thing for me is to not care about what other people think of me. I think once I get over that hurdle in my life, I will be unstoppable. There are times when I don’t, but there are times when I do.

I must learn that I can never please everyone. The only person I should please is myself.

Others still haven’t grasped the concept of my individuality. As a human being, I know that it is difficult to understand one. But I feel like I am greatly misunderstood by my peers. I am still categorize in this box. But I am more than what they can ever think of me as.

I don’t care what anyone says. The most challenging thing to do is to be yourself. When there is no one like you to follow in the footsteps of, you have to create your own path.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

I am still working on the romance part as I say this mantra everyday, “I am enough. I am good enough. I am worthy.” 

I love who I am and I won’t change it for the world.

The Formula To My Confidence

I came a long way when it comes to my confidence. I used to go through life gullible and clueless. Before I immersed myself in books, I walked around without a mind of my own. Yes, I did day-to-day activities like homework, class work, and projects. But I didn’t have my own thoughts.

When I compare the old me to the new me, I realize that thinking for myself, knowing who I am, and being aware of the world was not present before. Sometimes I think that wasn’t even me from ages 1-18. I look back and say, “Damn?! That was me?”

What led me to where I am now are books. Reading books gave me the mental freedom to find who I was, and as a result, my confidence developed. Knowing different subjects and developing my OWN views on what I just read is an indescribable feeling that I’m grateful to experience.

Because of books, I have a mind of my own. No one can program my thoughts or my mind. I know who I am now (I think – but I have a clue) and I still have a long way to go. My mind is powerful. What I think can either be my antidote or my poison.

When I’m finished reading a book, it’s a step closer to the REAL me.