Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

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How I Feel About College Tour Guides

I decided to take some time out of my day to share my thoughts on what I feel about college tour guides. Since I’m taking classes over the summer, I’ve seen many incoming college freshman taking tours around campus. They are getting themselves acquainted with the college campus they will be walking on for the next four years of their lives.

College can be a great experience for some. For others, it can feel like hell. Well for me, I have to say I agree with the latter. I never really got the hang of college – socially. And I feel like college is all about being social and I’m the exact opposite. I’m in my third year, and I still don’t like college.

When I see tour guides leading and talking to the incoming freshmen, I feel like they are being liars. I know what you’re saying, “Why do you care?” I’m writing about this because I need to get it out of my system. I’ve been seeing too many faces of incoming college freshmen thinking their college experience will be the greatest experience of their lives. I’m here to write out on how they are truly mistaken. I’m writing this as a warning for any incoming college freshman. I’m doing what I wish someone would have done for me when I was on my way to college.

Reflecting on how I was when I made my decision to come to college, I felt tricked and unaware about the mental toll and the anxiety college would have on me. And right now, I feel like I’m carrying a burden of the ignorance I had for college and “the great college experience.”

Okay, so here we go. College tour guides are liars. They are putting up a front to the incoming college freshmen. Telling them how great college is and how happy they will be here. Straight. Bull.Shit. These incoming college freshmen on the tours are taking the bait, and I want to tell them what the bait REALLY IS!

How can the tour guides walk around campus convincing people how great college is? I can’t do that. My experience has been the worst experience I can ever go through or think of. Even with my crazy imagination, I could never create a story that will be similar to what I went through in college.

Based on my experience with college tour guides, I realized they were NOT being honest with me. I realized that now, since I knew what I got myself into. Why weren’t they real with me? Why did they plaster fake smiles across their faces? They should have just been honest with me. Just say, “Hey look, college is hard. Just make sure what you’re signing up for, okay?” Not one of those “amazing” college tour guides told me that – not one. And that’s why I don’t like them. If they weren’t truthful to me, what makes the incoming college freshmen think that they are being truthful to them?

“But you’re in college.” I know I’m in college. But if I knew what I know now, I would have made a better and wiser decision. But I didn’t. I just jumped straight into the hole without thinking of the consequences and without knowing the TRUTH about why college is REALLY here in our society.

I don’t like liars. Start telling the truth to incoming college freshman. Stop with the fake smiles. Stop filling their heads with high hopes and expectations. Just. Stop. It.

R.I.P. Old Me

R.I.P. to the old me. People die every day. The kind of death I’m talking about is the internal one. People die as soon as they stop being themselves. And to tell you the truth, I’ve been dead for twenty years. 2015 is the year when I became alive. I rose from the depths of mind-corrosion from society and peers. This year—this summer specifically—I stopped giving a fuck. I started my path to accept myself completely. Living my life to fit other peoples’ agendas is not the way I want to live anymore.

I’m tired of not being myself. All of those fears end this year! It must end and it will.

The old me was conditioned, programmed, and didn’t think for herself. The old me worried about what other people thought and what their opinions were. The new me—which is the REAL me—is embarking a journey that I should have done once I left the womb. The real me started and will continue to find the truth.

From now on, I will live my truth and follow my intuition. I intend to accomplish the purpose I was reincarnated for. Now that I’m awake and aware, every action I take will be a meaningful one. Each action will lead me closer to my core and my destiny.