Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.

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Changing career paths at 21—or combining them

As I am finishing up my undergraduate year in college, I couldn’t help to think about my future in regards to my career.

In the beginning of my undergraduate years, I started thinking that I wanted to be a multimedia journalist. Now I’m thinking of moving in a different direction in my life. I’ve been thinking of becoming a social worker.

One of my greatest missions in life is to end poverty, hunger, oppression, and injustice in this world. Another part of me wants to have my own news network that would disseminate any news regarding those issues I previously listed.

I love to write, which is one of the many reasons why I am in the field I chose. But currently, how much truth is in our media right now? Not much. Even if they are telling society half-truths, it is still a lie. And I don’t want to be a part of any news medium that doesn’t tell the truth about society.

That’s why I decided to combine my two desires. I will be a social worker writing/reporting about the injustices in the world. I don’t know the step-by-step process yet, but I know that it will be done.

It will be done because I said so. And I will put my all into it to make my soul happy again.

Loving myself is a lifelong journey

This post has to be one of the most hardest topics to write about—myself. Loving myself can be a challenge as well. I want to write about this because I want to commend myself on the internal conflicts that I overcame. During these past four years, I realize that I like to be alone, be apart of deep conversations, writing, and reading.

The difficult thing for me is to not care about what other people think of me. I think once I get over that hurdle in my life, I will be unstoppable. There are times when I don’t, but there are times when I do.

I must learn that I can never please everyone. The only person I should please is myself.

Others still haven’t grasped the concept of my individuality. As a human being, I know that it is difficult to understand one. But I feel like I am greatly misunderstood by my peers. I am still categorize in this box. But I am more than what they can ever think of me as.

I don’t care what anyone says. The most challenging thing to do is to be yourself. When there is no one like you to follow in the footsteps of, you have to create your own path.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

I am still working on the romance part as I say this mantra everyday, “I am enough. I am good enough. I am worthy.” 

I love who I am and I won’t change it for the world.

Woosah

I watched a video on how to control anger. I admit – I do have an anger problem. I can conceal it well in public, but in the inside – I want to punch through a wall. Since I’m becoming more aware of the world, I find myself becoming angrier than I was before. For there to be a solution, one must know there is a problem. I know I have a problem, so at least I’m a step closer to solving my problem.

The man in the video said the reason for my anger is not forgiving myself for what I’ve done in the past or what I didn’t do in the past. Through deep introspection, he was right. I haven’t forgiven myself for the decision I’ve made in the past.

I need to forgive myself for what I did, and finally move on. But for some reason, every time I try to bury it, my thoughts from the past keep resurfacing. How can I make it stop? How can I terminate those thoughts from coming back?

I guess I have to take it day by day. I just need to own up to what I’ve done. I grow every day. So when I reflect on the past, I question the decisions I’ve made because I know if I was given the opportunity again – it wouldn’t be the one I chose.

That’s why I get mad at myself because the person I am NOW wouldn’t have made that decision. That’s why his advice in the video resonated with me – I do need to forgive myself. What’s done is done. Now I need to heal and create a process that will allow me to forgive myself for what I’ve done.

For starters, this is a good way for me to get through it. Writing is therapeutic for me. Writing this out is a HUGE step for me.