How I Deal With Crushes

Why do I crush so hard on guys? It gets tiring when it interferes with my daily routine.

You know? When all you can do is think about the person and think about what they’re doing? Yep, that’ s me right now.

What am I doing to snap out of it? Continue living my life.

I’ve gotten over many crushes in the past. Hopefully this will be my last.

Sometimes I think of myself as a serial crusher.

 

Serial Crusher

[seer-ee-uh] [kruhsh-er]

noun, Informal

1. A love-sick, hopeless romantic individual who falls in love or obsesses over an individual for a certain period of time and continues to fall in love or obsess over another individual again (non-physical)

 

Did you like my definition? I created it myself. This made-up word sometimes describes the way I am. Whenever I find a guy I like, whether it be on social media or in person, the term ‘serial-crusher’ comes up.

I combat this by writing as much as I can and by remaining as busy as possible. I try to find activities that will keep my mind off of the individual I’m thinking about.

*sighs* Its either I need to learn how to not love so hard or find a guy who loves just as hard as me. Is it possible? Who knows.

Loving myself is a lifelong journey

This post has to be one of the most hardest topics to write about—myself. Loving myself can be a challenge as well. I want to write about this because I want to commend myself on the internal conflicts that I overcame. During these past four years, I realize that I like to be alone, be apart of deep conversations, writing, and reading.

The difficult thing for me is to not care about what other people think of me. I think once I get over that hurdle in my life, I will be unstoppable. There are times when I don’t, but there are times when I do.

I must learn that I can never please everyone. The only person I should please is myself.

Others still haven’t grasped the concept of my individuality. As a human being, I know that it is difficult to understand one. But I feel like I am greatly misunderstood by my peers. I am still categorize in this box. But I am more than what they can ever think of me as.

I don’t care what anyone says. The most challenging thing to do is to be yourself. When there is no one like you to follow in the footsteps of, you have to create your own path.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

I am still working on the romance part as I say this mantra everyday, “I am enough. I am good enough. I am worthy.” 

I love who I am and I won’t change it for the world.

Would I Be Wasting My 20s?

Ever since I turned twenty, I began to feel the aging process. I finally realized that my time on Earth is limited. It’s kind of like a mid-life crisis, but in your twenties. I can’t help but think how quickly twenty years flew by, and in no time I’ll be forty. I even thought about having 4 sets of twenty years to live! I know that sounds crazy, but it was on my mind a few times.

Sometimes I think if I’m living my life like how a 20 year-old should live it. Then I catch myself and say, “You’re really going to take advice from society?” I like being by myself more than I like being around other people. I keep hearing that your 20s is the time to experience, explore, and make mistakes. What if I just want to listen to music, read books, and write? Am I doing the right thing? Should I do the things majority of the world is telling me to do or should I do what I feel comfortable with?

I hate how society doesn’t allow me to be who I am. Every time I do something, I have this “society subconscious” telling me what I’m doing is not the norm. It’s like an internal conflict. Then I tried to go with the norm and I didn’t like it – no matter how normal it is.

Should I be socializing? Should I get out my room? Would I be wasting my 20s? Am I wasting my 20s if I spend them watching movies and reading books? These questions have been circulating through my mind ever since I turned 20. They say don’t do something you would regret. But what if the same thing you love doing is the same thing that will make you regret in the future. Is my love for reading and being alone going to be detrimental for me in the future?

I’m tired of having these judgments in my head. Is there a right or a wrong way to live life?

I hate when I start thinking like this, but it happens. I don’t know what my 20s has in store for me. I know I have the power to make it the best or the worst. I just hope I can get through it.