How I Deal With Crushes

Why do I crush so hard on guys? It gets tiring when it interferes with my daily routine.

You know? When all you can do is think about the person and think about what they’re doing? Yep, that’ s me right now.

What am I doing to snap out of it? Continue living my life.

I’ve gotten over many crushes in the past. Hopefully this will be my last.

Sometimes I think of myself as a serial crusher.

 

Serial Crusher

[seer-ee-uh] [kruhsh-er]

noun, Informal

1. A love-sick, hopeless romantic individual who falls in love or obsesses over an individual for a certain period of time and continues to fall in love or obsess over another individual again (non-physical)

 

Did you like my definition? I created it myself. This made-up word sometimes describes the way I am. Whenever I find a guy I like, whether it be on social media or in person, the term ‘serial-crusher’ comes up.

I combat this by writing as much as I can and by remaining as busy as possible. I try to find activities that will keep my mind off of the individual I’m thinking about.

*sighs* Its either I need to learn how to not love so hard or find a guy who loves just as hard as me. Is it possible? Who knows.

My Reality of Being An Entrepreneur

In today’s blogpost, I will be talking about life as an entrepreneur in the making.

I decided to show you all what I wrote in regards to this topic.

Below, I placed excerpts from my personal journal that I wanted to share with you all.

 

January 6, 2017 // 2:42 PM

Since noon I’ve been publishing and promoting my blogs. Boy! Talk about putting in work! I feel exhausted. But I rather feel tired working for myself than feel tired working for someone else that’s for damn sure. Life as an entrepreneur.

I’m in the beginning stages. I believe once I can live off the income from my services alone, then I will consider myself a full-blown entrepreneur. At least I’m trying. And I will not give up.

The thought of working for someone drives me insane. Working for myself becomes my obsession every time that thought occurs. Tired, but inspired.

 

January 7, 2017 // 5:26 PM

Today I scheduled in my planner that I would be completing assignments. Did I do them? Some. But I felt so tired doing them though. I don’t know what got over me. I just felt extremely tired today. I’m thinking of just using my “tiredness” to write some blogposts.

I always have the energy to work on myself. But when it comes to completing schoolwork, I feel even more drained.

 

There you have it, folks. This is how I’m feeling right now. I can never be tired when it comes to working on myself. Working for others or working on schoolwork is where the tired feeling kicks in.

Another difficult thing about being an entrepreneur is that there will be days where NO ONE contacts you for your services. I wish I had a client every day.

I promote my services every day. Yes, it can be tiring promoting yourself. What’s even more tiring is questioning your self-worth every day because no one has contacted you for your services yet.

Even your own “friends” or people you consider as your friends won’t even help you out.

As I said in my previous journal entry, ‘tired, but inspired.’

I will let my obsession to not work for someone else be my drive to be autonomous.

The Beauty of Spontaneity

I’m amazing. You know why? I was a contestant in a pageant.

Being a contestant in a pageant was the most fearless and liberating thing I have down in my life so far.

I did spoken word, answered questions, and I even danced! What?! Me dancing in front of an audience?! Yep, I did that. I would do it all over again if I could.

My experience in the pageant showed me the beauty of spontaneity. I’m usually a routine-oriented kind of person. But being in the pageant pushed me out of my comfort zone to heights I never knew I could be able to reach.

I’m thankful for that person who insisted that I should sign up to be a contestant even though I was reluctant to do so. I’m also impressed by my courage to do such a thing.

More importantly, I’m proud of myself for always pushing myself to be better than I was before.

Being spontaneous is a beautiful thing.

Are You Ready To Graduate?

I was in a meeting and one of the members asked if I was ready to graduate. I responded, “Yes.”

When people ask me that question, I sense so much fear from them. When they ask me if I’m ready to graduate, they don’t mean physically because I have my credits in check. They mean if I’m ready mentally.

My question is: Why are people scared to face the real world?

Why do people try so hard to shun away the harsh realities of life?

Running away from problems won’t make them go away. Facing problems head on will solve any issues or fears you have internally and/or externally.

“Are you ready to graduate?”

Yes. Yes I am. I’m ready for anything life throws my way.

We came into this world to be challenged, to face adversity, and to experience growth whether we like it or not.

I hate fear. I hate fear even more when people are trying to emit fear around me.

Nice try.

Teamwork makes the dream work

Lately I’ve been reaching out for help. Or shall I say people offering to help me out has inspired me to lend a helping hand to those in need and to tell others what I am capable of.

There was an exam that I was nervous to take. I received an ‘F’ on the last exam and I was not confident in how I  will do on the upcoming one. One of my classmates that I met when we were covering a story together offered to study together for the upcoming exam.

Why not? What did I have to lose? Normally I wouldn’t ask for help. Even when I do need help, seldom do I ask for it. So when she asked to study, I was shocked and grateful that she did because if it was up to me to ask for help, I wouldn’t have done it.

We studied a few hours before the exam and I was feeling a lot more confident in the exam this time around.

Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for (or shall I say, studying for)—the exam. Instead of feeling nervous, I was a bit excited. Excited to know what my results would be after the exam. I was that confident in myself after our study session before the exam.

A few days later, the professor released our results. I received a ‘C’ on the exam. The grade is not what I expected, but it is an improvement on the grade I received from the last exam.

Teamwork makes the dream work. The dream for this semester? Passing this class. If it takes me coming out of my comfort zone & asking for help, then I will do that.

Fighting for Happiness

I’ve been feeling down lately.  I know it’s temporary because that’s life. You go through ups and downs. But this emotion I’m feeling is hard to describe this time around.

It feels like I’ve been fighting for happiness lately. This Instagram account inspired me to write this post because what she shared perfectly described what I felt when I saw it on my Instagram feed this morning. The caption of the picture read: “I have to protect myself from the bad thoughts and fight for happiness.”

When I read it, I was in shock because someone described what I was feeling.

I feel like I am fighting for my happiness. Then the question came to me: “Why am I fighting for my happiness?”

Another question came to me as well: “Should I be fighting for my happiness?” I should if I want to keep sane, right? But should we really be fighting for it? Why can’t happiness be easily attainable?

As you can see, so many questions ran through my mind. And I’m still searching for the answers to them.

I commend myself for being so reflective. The more I ask myself these questions, the closer I can achieve inner peace.

At this point in time, I will fight for happiness. It’s the only option to do so. I came here for a reason and to not fight when things get rough is doing a disservice to the Source that created me and it will be a disservice to myself as well.

I would like to see what’s in store for me in the future. I would like to witness my growth.

So I will fight for my happiness.

Stop Comparing

I came across another bad habit of mine. A bad habit of mine is comparing myself to others. I compare my personality to others and compare my life to theirs.

I hate it when I do that from time to time. This thought occurs when there’s a large group of people around me and they are talking with one another while I’m off to myself. I start observing them and start thinking about society’s view of happiness and acceptance.

From this observation, I see that my view of happiness and acceptance is not the same as society’s. Then I start to wonder who’s right. Me or society?

What I think of myself should be the only thing that matters. But I realize that I have a long way to go when it comes to not caring of how I look to others.

When someone looks at me, it looks like I’m unbothered. But internally, I’m not. I still have work to do on myself.

I want to be so unfazed by others to the point where millions of people can be talking to one another and I will see them and not compare myself to them.

My Non-Existent Dating Life

I am swallowing my pride to write this post. I keep having reoccurring thoughts.

The thoughts I’m having stems from the fact that I’m not dating anyone.

I’m not looking for a long-term relationship as of yet. But if I meet someone and it leads to that, then I’m fine with that. The problem I’m having is that I don’t even have anyone to even date or talk to. Is that even a problem?

How much of my time is too much of my time? I spend a lot of time alone on a daily basis. I do enjoy my alone time. But life is all about balance. When I’m done recharging my energy in my alone time, whom can I exert that energy onto?

Is being too selective with my energy getting the best of me?  These are the reoccurring thoughts I’ve been having lately. I don’t want to think about them. But here they are creeping back to me every chance they get.

I’m internally debating whether it’s a personal issue or a societal issue. Am I not with anyone because I am too different or do I have issues in the past and/or in my childhood that I need to resolve?

I don’t know, but I always reflect on myself to see what I can find. Since I’m usually alone, I always have the time to be introspective.

My Personal Space

As a very busy individual, I cherish the moment I find to myself. Whatever I do in that moment I make sure I enjoy it as much as possible because I don’t know when will be the next time I will have this again in the near future.

I was sitting on a bench and a woman came and sat right next to me on the bench. Immediately irritated, I looked up to see if there were other benches available in the area. There were three benches available.

I exhaled deeply and pretended to not be annoyed. But my plan didn’t work.

I sat there for about five more minutes, gathered my belongings, and left the bench I was relaxing on.

I felt compelled to write about this situation because I take personal space very seriously. If there are other benches or seats available, please choose one of them. Don’t choose one next to me.

I always select a seat that is available without the threat of invading someone else’s personal space.

When I am having “me” time, I don’t want it to become “a stranger sitting next to me” time.

Talking about religion & spirituality

Today has been very busy and quite exhausting as well. I have projects to complete, I am a secretary for an organization, I have online homework that is due in less than 24 hours, and I found out that I received an’F’ on my first exam for the semester. Even though there’s a lot going on, I know I’ll get through it.

I was in an area where I was completing my work for the day and for the days ahead. The place was going to close in ten minutes. So I decided to use the place closing as a gateway to take a break and relax outside.

I ordered a sub and made my way outside. I was anticipating spending time alone that didn’t involve work. I sat down, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. I took a bite out of my sub and stared off into nature.

As I was enjoying my solitude, I heard a voice saying, “Hello, may we pray for you today?” It was a female student who asked me the question. She was walking with another student who was a guy.

As soon as I heard the question, the elation I once had when I was enjoying my alone time quickly vanished. I said, “I don’t know.” She continued asking me the question. Then she asked me what year I was and what major I was in.

She hesitantly began, but confidently ended the prayer. Then the guy asked, “Sorry we didn’t ask what you believed in. What religion are you a part of?”

I said, “None.” He immediately asked if I believed in God. I told him our perspectives of what God is, is different. They kept describing God as a “He” and I described God as an energy and how I am that energy. We talked for at least 20 minutes about our different “beliefs.”

I am not into religion. I don’t look outside of myself for healing. I look within. I know there is a Source that created all there is. But that shouldn’t diminish the power you have as a human being.

After the conversation, we bid farewell. As they left, I was hoping to never cross paths with them as I’m walking around campus.

Why do followers of the Christian faith on campus are the ones disturbing other’s solitude? Can I relax without being questioned on who or what I believe in?

Instead of bottling up what occurred, I decided to write about it. As if I have a choice. Whenever something is on my mind, it becomes a neccessity to write it out. If I don’t, I will go crazy.

Probably that’s one of the reasons why I was so calm when we were talking about a heated topic like religion. I was thinking to myself, This encounter will be good for my blog. Another reason I was calm during the conversation was the fact that I was a firm believer in my truth. Not any religion’s truth nor anyone else’s truth.

I speak and live my truth. I am not here to convert anyone to think like me. I just want people to have the courage and the strength to think for themselves—without any societal influence.

I made sure to emphasize that point to them, but they kept talking about their Christian faith and why they believe it. They meant well, but not in the context for my sanity.

The only time I felt sane today was when I was writing this blog post. I always feel sane when I’m writing.