Changing career paths at 21—or combining them

As I am finishing up my undergraduate year in college, I couldn’t help to think about my future in regards to my career.

In the beginning of my undergraduate years, I started thinking that I wanted to be a multimedia journalist. Now I’m thinking of moving in a different direction in my life. I’ve been thinking of becoming a social worker.

One of my greatest missions in life is to end poverty, hunger, oppression, and injustice in this world. Another part of me wants to have my own news network that would disseminate any news regarding those issues I previously listed.

I love to write, which is one of the many reasons why I am in the field I chose. But currently, how much truth is in our media right now? Not much. Even if they are telling society half-truths, it is still a lie. And I don’t want to be a part of any news medium that doesn’t tell the truth about society.

That’s why I decided to combine my two desires. I will be a social worker writing/reporting about the injustices in the world. I don’t know the step-by-step process yet, but I know that it will be done.

It will be done because I said so. And I will put my all into it to make my soul happy again.

Arrogance or Confidence?

I’m wondering if I’m stuck-up. I’m thinking if that’s the reason why people won’t talk to me. I guess I am in a way. But sometimes, too much confidence and knowing “too much” comes off as arrogance. I don’t think I know everything, but I know enough to not feel comfortable around my peers. When I’m around my peers, I don’t feel like myself because I want to communicate about bettering the world, society, the government. Most—not all—don’t want to have that conversation right now, and I’m wondering if they ever will.

As I’m walking to class, I see university students looking happy – almost oblivious to the world’s atrocities. I hate sounding negative, but I want to meet people who want to make the world a better place – right now! Not go to parties, be tour guides for incoming freshman, or believing that everything is okay. Nothing is okay!

When I see people doing something that’s not benefitting humanity, I start to get “stuck-up.” I don’t want to be around people who don’t think the way I do on a global scale.

I can’t take the gossiping, the parties, and the socializing. I’m tired of that!

I feel too old for my age. Everyone in my age group wants to party, socialize, and gossip. And here I am reading books and the news like an old woman. I don’t connect to anyone in my age group, and that is truly sad. I love living in this generation, why won’t my generation love me back? We can do a lot together as a team—as a generation. But how can we do that when most of us aren’t on the same page?

Are we ever going to be on the same page? I hope so.

Is that too much to ask for?

Emotional roller coaster

Can depression ever disappear? I thought it can once I came out of my depression back in my freshman year in college. But now I feel like I’m depressed all over again. Once I’m happy, I become sad, and the cycle continues. I’m sick of this cycle. Why can’t I remain stable and consistent with my emotions? I wish I wasn’t like this. I don’t like this emotional roller coaster I go through occasionally.

Freshman Fury

When I was in the newsroom and I saw a freshman. For some reason I got mad. I don’t know if it was jealousy. But I think it was. When I was a freshman and sophomore in college, I locked myself in the dorm. I didn’t talk to anyone nor look to gain any leadership experience/skills. I didn’t try to make friends nor join any clubs because I was fighting my inner demons. I was fighting my insecurities and I was trying to ease the process of adjusting into a new atmosphere. It took me two years to finally adjust, and I’m still uncomfortable.

So when I see freshmen already getting acquainted with the college life, a sense of anger and jealousy comes over me. How come I wasn’t mentally prepared for college? Why wasn’t I a happy freshman?

Log In Back To My Life

I think I might take a break from social media. Recently, I find myself engulfed into Tumblr and Twitter. After I logout of Tumblr, I feel so tired. Not the kind of tired you feel after running. I mean this kind of exhaustion that takes a toll on me spiritually and mentally. I hate that feeling. I heard from a YouTube video that it takes 21 days to break a  habit.  So from now on I will FORCE myself to not login to Tumblr and Twitter. Well, for Twitter, I’ll only use it when I want to read on international, state, and national news. The news outlets I follow update every minute, so that’s the only reason why I will continue to use it.

I found myself immersing into other people’s lives and anticipating their new posts or tweets. Are you kidding me? I stopped and reflected on what I was doing and decided to stop going on social media for entertainment purposes. Which reminds me, Instagram is  another social media network I’ll stop going on.

I decided to ONLY write (meaning I’ll continue to write on this blog), read, listen to music, watch YouTube videos, watch movies, and become a better me. I want to know thyself. I want to know everything about myself and the world around me – everything. I can’t achieve that by waiting on other people’s updates and tweets. Nope, never gonna happen.

This is going to be a challenge for me because I psyched myself into thinking I needed Tumblr because it was my way of “socializing.” Since I don’t have any friends and don’t talk to anyone other than my sister, I told myself that going on Tumblr is just a “new age” way of being friendly and to socialize. I’ve come to realize that it’s not. I don’t care how emphatic someone is when they debate me on social media being a good thing when it comes to being “social.” It’s not!

I’m going to make sure I won’t go on Tumblr today and for the next 21 days. And after the 21-day mark, I’m going to see if I should still go on Tumblr. I told myself that I might be addicted to Tumblr, but I didn’t take it as an addiction. I took it as an escape from the truth to who I was. When I’m on Tumblr, I’m not focusing on myself; I’m focusing on how cute my blog looks. It’s crazy that I’ve come to this point on my opinion about social media. I used to think social media was a great way for introverts to be themselves. But to tell you the truth, it hasn’t helped me. I’m constantly looking at other people’s lives instead of living my own life.

Tumblr helped me to get through my depression in the beginning of last year. It forced me to stop thinking about my sadness and forced me to think about the content on my blog. Now, I feel like I’m focusing too much on my blog and giving no attention to myself. I’m happy for what Tumblr did for me in the past, but in the present and for the future, I must sign out of Tumblr and login back to my life.

Keep Your Social Life. I Don’t Want It.

I don’t like how colleges place the social life on a pedestal. If you keep to yourself, you’re weird or odd. You know what’s weird? Talking to random people and having meaningless conversations with them. How do y’all do it? Don’t you feel tired giving yourself to other people like that? How can you share an interaction with someone without giving them the time to know your flaws, what makes you happy, and what leaves you disappointed?

When I talk to someone, I don’t want to be used as a pawn for shallow conversation to make the time go by. That’s plain rude. Just talking to someone because you’re “bored” is an awful way to engage in communication. And I feel that I’ve been a victim of someone talking to me because they were bored.